Hair.. what to do?

Hi Fab ones,

My hair is driving me crazy!  I have struggled to get my short cut 'just right' (style developing relationship with my new hairdresser) and have allowed it to start growing back into a bob.. but I am not happy, it's kind of a 'nothing' style.  I think now that I have 'crossed over' there may be no going back and short is now it for me.

Here is my challenge:)  I want a short do, but with long lengths, so nothing 'cropped'.  This is my Pinterest Hair Board which as you can see is a bit all over the place.

My latest find is the pic in #1 which I really like.  It's similar in shape to what I have but shorter at the sides (cut around the ears not over), front lengths are shorter and there is some layering or texturising going on that I don't have at the moment.

The things that are important to me are:

  • looking modern
  • not looking (my stereotype) of 'middle aged')
  • low fuss (happy to spend 20/30 mins on my hair, less would be fab)
  • looking feminine to contrast with my black and harder edge style
  • neatness (I am not a messy hair girl, but can cope with some 'choppiness'.
  • I rarely use produce aside from a bit of mousse or spray but am happy to learn how to use other products if necessary

My hair is very fine but I have a lot of it.  It has a lot volume and while I don't want flat hair, I do like 'smooth' hair and need to keep the volume under control (which texturising would help with).  I am also thinking I would like the softness of shorter bangs (fringe) sweeping across my forehead.

I am at a loss with what to do.  Any suggestions, photos, thoughts would be so helpful.

They say it takes a village to raise a child, but I think it may take the YLF community to decide on my hair cut.:)

xxx Deborah

This post is also published in the youlookfab forum. You can read and reply to it in either place. All replies will appear in both places.


  • Cococat replied 6 years ago

    I totally get you not wanting the stereotypical middle-aged haircut. I'm the same and I've always thought that my concave bob fit the bill.

    DH, who thinks I should have waist length hair, and wear short skirts and low-cut tops says I have an 'old lady' cut, but I explain that there has to be compromise when you actually ARE middle-aged. Sometimes long hair can be quite aging. Men! Sigh..

    Anyway, interested to hear what everyone says.

  • Deborah replied 6 years ago

    Lol, CocoC you DH is funny!  You hair is definitely not my idea of old lady. it is very sophisticated and chic.   I had a bob for most of my adult life but I just don't think that is where I want to go to now.  

  • anne replied 6 years ago

    I'm not an expert in this area but I think something like pic 1 would look great on you.

  • Jessica replied 6 years ago

    Have you seen Carey Mulligan's pixie?

    Not sure if that's too messy for you, but it's a "long" short hairstyle that's also very soft.

    Here's a neater styling:


  • SarahTheWhite replied 6 years ago

    Ahhhh, the age old question of how to get the exact short style you want! It is much harder than people think! I have had a new stylist since January and we are still doing that little dance every time - a little more here, a little less there...

    Anyway, I love the pic you posted! I could totally see you pulling that off! I think the key might be the strong asymmetry of it. You can keep one side longer to give the look of more hair and softness, but the shorter side can have some funk and edge that will keep it sharper style wise and less "mom bob". I also think that finding the right balance of smooth but not too smooth and one dimensional (think helmet head) will be the trick. You don't have to get crazy spiky/messy with the pieces, but some dimension would help. Perhaps some underneath darkness in the color (not too heavy contrast) would do the trick?

  • Deborah replied 6 years ago

    Sarah you just nailed it.  I feel I have helmet hair at the moment.

  • SarahTheWhite replied 6 years ago

    In glad! And for the record, I wasn't thinking that you currently have helmet head - just that you are trying to avoid it. And it is something I am forever fighting with my decidedly one dimensional hair color. :-)

  • Astrid replied 6 years ago

    I really like #1! I could definitely see that on you. I currently have a case of helmet head, it's not good if I wait too long between cuts. Really annoying, but I'm not ready to do any experimenting. ;-)

  • Maneera replied 6 years ago

    Lol CocoC. Your husband is hilarious! Wishful I always believe that shorter hair is more youthful...I've rarely seen a very stylish woman with longer hair, unless she has tons of time to care for it.

    Deb, I love the hairstyle you've posted. For some reason the lady reminds me of Suz! It's a fab hairstyle and I think you'll wear it very well.

    I did a Google search and came up with these options. See if you like any of them.

  • lyn67 replied 6 years ago

    You totally nailed it Debs.  A "short do, but with long(er) lengths" and NOT really a bob....Hmmm. I want it, too!!!:-) but hairdressers have difficulties in understanding that, for a reason....Short hair is not easy to do right! Will follow this thread, and am sure you'll finally get what you want, pls. post picties of the new fab do!!!!

  • Deborah replied 6 years ago

    Thanks for the encouragement.  Maneera I think I have a couple of those on my board.  I particularly like the first one.. thank you.  I booked an appointment for tomorrow so will take these photos.

  • Maneera replied 6 years ago

    Yes Deb, I think that hairstyle will be soft and feminine...perfect for your edgy black dominated dressing style. I'm very confident you'll wear it beautifully. Best of luck! Hope to see the pictures very soon

  • replied 6 years ago

    Oh boy - all of us and our hair :) Funny, I have that cut pinned to my hair board too!  I didn't end up using it for any cut inspiration though ...I am finding my ideas of what I want to be all over the place right now.  As you know, I had mine cut last week and am struggling with it mightily right now trying to figure out how to style it.  I was on a business trip for 3 days right afterward, and of course hated it every second. ( I didn't have the right products with me and could not get it right).

    Anyways - I am not sure I'm liking this cut for you - I don't think the top is long enough.  I know exactly what you mean about wanting smooth and sleek hair - I struggle with that at times myself.  I think this cut could look a little too "sweet" - ah, what word do I want here? - or prim or something.  I think you can still maintain polish and perfection with some layers and texture - and maybe a little colour tweaking (perhaps some lowlights or darker roots?) 

  • Michelle replied 6 years ago

    I'm of no help whatsoever here, but just wanted to say that "fab ones" is my new favourite appellation for this group. :)
    Best of luck with the hair!! It sounds like your instincts won't lead you astray

  • Elly replied 6 years ago

    I think this would look great on you. I have a similar hair type and wore it successfully a few years ago (before I went digital).

  • Suz replied 6 years ago

    The example photo is pretty similar to what I currently have...which changes all the time, it seems -- the photos might not show it but in the 5 years I have been wearing this basic style there have been some small variations, pretty much at my stylist's whim, sometimes to my delight, and sometimes not! ;) 

    I just had highlights and find it is all over too light right now; I prefer with some underlying darkenss, as Sarah mentioned, for dimension and movement. 

    This style (more or less) is pretty much the ONLY way I could have a long asymmetrical fringe -- because my hair is too thick and heavy and will result in helmet or bubble head in a second if it is not texturized. 

    I don't have any upkeep at all with this cut -- in some seasons it is wash and go (with maybe a swipe of gloss) and in humid weather I need to flat iron the ends of the fringe (takes 2 seconds). 

    With the right texture, I am also able to use more product/ different product to result in a style more like Lisa's new one -- especially in humid weather. I will try to get a photo of that sometime. The differences are very minor but basically it looks a bit more "tousled" and is more away from my face. 

  • rachylou replied 6 years ago

    I'm a hair idiot, so no help, but lots of sympathy. Also, I'm impressed with y'all who decide your own cut. I make my stylists decide based on my general overall fashion style and the state of my hair.

  • Summer replied 6 years ago

    Deborah, I think that Suz-alike style that you show here would be perfect for you.  It would be so easy to care for, too.

  • replied 6 years ago

    My hair is cut exactly as in the pic you posted and I love it. At times my hairdresser may change up the bangs, sometimes longer side swept, other times a bit choppier. My hair is fine and I use a root lifter sparingly and sometimes a texturizer (I used Rusk Radical Crème) - just a tiny bit of the texturizer rubbed between my palms and starting at the back of my head I rub it on my hair working it towards the front. I then use my hairdryer and use my fingers to dry blowing my hair towards the front and in every direction. My hair looks amazing and the next day I just may wet my hands and run them thru my hair while using the hairdryer to lift the hair. (I never ever use hairspray!)

    I rarely use a brush, many times I change up the part or do not even do a part. Almost a messy finish, but funny it does not look messy. The hair just falls into place and looks great even if it is windy outside.

  • replied 6 years ago

    I like it! It looks modern but less stylized than what you have now. I can imagine that a bob would not be what you want.
    Nothing to add because it looks perfect.

  • Jeweled replied 6 years ago

    Michelle, I agree!  I like "Fab Ones" too.  :)

  • Staysfit replied 6 years ago

    I like to read these posts about hair. I have no idea how to pick a hair style for myself, and even if I wanted my hair to look a certain way, it never would. It's always been unruly and unpredictable. I let my stylist do whatever makes sense as long as it's short and I don't have to spend any time on it other than toweling it dry and maybe using some product to keep frizziness at bay.

  • SarahTheWhite replied 6 years ago

    I'm not sure if she is still following this thread, but can someone clue me in in what Elly means by "before I went digital"? I can't quite figure out how that relates to hair and now I am very curious. :-)

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